Where you realize your support system is non-existent

warning, this post is angry, disjointed, and basically a widowed moms worst nightmare ...

Last Wednesday, the shivers and shakes started. I couldn't warm up, no matter what I tried. Then the fever hit and remained through Friday night, when it spiked once again, almost to 103*.

Reality hit, this momma's worst nightmare. I had to go to the ER. There was no way around it. I put the word out that I needed help, I have thought I had lots of friends around and amazingly enough, everyone no one could help. My sister was in Washington DC on business and she was calling in favors to get me there, but no luck. Then one friend, the last person I thought of because she was busy, happened to see my post on Facebook and texted to say "on my way". None of the "close friends" that have said "whatever you need", were able to help. I got into the shower to clean up before heading out, I sat on the floor to dry my hair, and my son sat next to me crying "Please don't die Mom, please don't die." My sister spent sometime talking to him on the phone, trying to calm him down as I got ready to leave. He was going with me, I couldn't leave him alone, not knowing how long I'd be, nor what was going on.

He stayed in the waiting room while I went in for tests and I let them know when I was ready for him. He didn't want to show how upset and worried he was, but he climbed up on the gurney with me and snuggled. I was heavily medicated at that point, so him being on me didn't hurt one bit. I was released a few hours later w/ a diagnosis of a severe kidney infection. I wish I could say that was the end of the story, that I recovered and all was well. Unfortunately that's not the case. Having gone through the sudden loss of his dad, kiddo was very stressed all week. Unable to concentrate, focus, sleep. Worried about losing me without notice. A 12 year old shouldn't be thinking of such things.

On Wednesday, while he was at school, I developed some intense pain, called my doc and was directed to head back into the ER. It was close enough to the end of school that I knew I needed to let them know. I made arrangements w/ my so-called friend that he'd go home w/ her son, they're best friends, but she "couldn't be there and couldn't drive me". I drove myself across town to the emergency room. On the way I called the school counselor and asked her to call kiddo into her office and let him know what was going on and what he needed to do. How else could I handle this? I had no clue what to do.

I was in an exam room with no cell coverage, so I did my best to convince myself that he'd be ok. By the time I got back, with new meds and narcotics, and food to toss in the microwave for dinner, I found my son and his friend alone in the house. My girlfriend said they didn't want to stay at her house. ACK. I cooked dinner and the boys headed over there for the night. I normally don't allow weeknight sleepovers, but i was wiped out and in pain. I needed the pain meds and hate taking them when it's just him and I in case something happens.

I woke at 7am, dozed until 9ish, got up, took meds and by 11 was back in bed. It was around 1ish that I got a message from school. Kiddo fell asleep in school. Told his teacher he had a sleepover and didn't sleep much. I contacted my girlfriend and she said that he was up until 3am. Double ACK. I don't allow that when the boys are here. Can you sense my frustration? This is the same friend that hasn't called once to check in on me since last Friday when I went to the hospital the first time.

So my son came home, I heard him yelling at his friends "You don't know what it's like to have a parent die, I need to stay with my mom" ...

There are so many thoughts and feelings that I have about all of this.

• If you say you're going to be there for someone in their time of need, dammit, be there. 
• Friendship isn't something you turn on and off at will. Either you're friends and you'll stand by each other, or you won't. 
• Grief is a cyclical process and you never know what will set off a child from one point of that cycle into another point of it. 
• PTSD affects even children. My child suffers from it and it rears it's ugly head at times like this. 
• I hate that my son has to think of "what if mom dies"

I am closing here, because my brain is reeling with thoughts. Thoughts that I can't put together coherently and it's beginning to show in my writing.

When a child grieves ...

It hurts a momma's heart and soul to see your child in pain. When that pain is relived over and over though, it takes your breath away, you'd do anything to experience it for them, but you can't.

As an Adult, we can put some thought into what we are experiencing. We know that there are Stages of Grief, what many don't realize is as children grow and mature, they may re-experience the death and those Stages over again in a different manner.

So yesterday, when my BF's daughter was shouting "Good bye Dad, I love you" over and over, it struck a painful chord in my son and within minutes a torrent of tears and screams emanated from him, "Stop saying that!" as he pulled his hair, "Do you know what it's like not to ever be able to tell your Dad that you love him?" as he pounded his fists on his knees and growled; "Do you know what it's like for him to be away from home and die?", and the sobbing of "I will never see him again"...and on and on for 5 minutes.

All I could do was put my hand on his shoulder, breathe deep and sniffle and fight back tears (not well I might add). His pain was so evident and this was the first time he had been able to put those thoughts into words and express them so succinctly. I hurt me to the core. It took him about 10 minutes to regain his composure, and when he did he was happier than he had been all day. Last night he slept hard and when he woke up this morning he told me it was the best night of sleep he had in days. I don't doubt it. I know what it's like to go through that, I wish I could make it all go away for him, but I know it's a part of his journey to healing. He'll get there, I know he will. It will just take time ... and tears ...

Whiplash ...

It's been a long 10 days, crazy busy, up and down, but OMGosh does the Lord provide and when the doors open and stay open, it does one well to walk right on through and see what's next!

About 6 weeks ago, my girlfriend and I decided we were going to look into becoming Certified Nursing Assistant's through our local Community College. It's an amazing program, incredible reputation and would allow us to work in a hospital setting once Licensed. We looked at the material and realized that some of the dates didn't jive, so off went emails and phone calls.

Have I mentioned that I have a very limited income? So does my girlfriend, how the HECK will we do this? Financial Aid doesn't pay for this so we investigated a program here in Oregon called WorkSource Oregon. Devised by the Employment Department, it's set up to assist out of work people with training and resources to get a new job. IF you need funding, and you jump through all their hoops, they may be able to help you with that. So 3 weeks ago we went through their Orientation program. I completed the required computer testing for reading and math, filled out all the forms and papers etc. We did our interviews and such. In the meantime, we signed up and completed our BLS Healthcare Provider Course course, basically 7 hours of intensive CPR practice and testing. We get home from that class and there is a phone call for us saying that the College is holding a mandatory Orientation on Monday the 26th at 3:30pm. Not a problem ~ except that my son has a critical appt at that same time, which by some miracle was able to be moved to 1pm. Do you see the Lord working here? We go to this orientation and we're told that there are ONLY 2 spots left in the Program that starts Monday, May 3rd. YIKES!! Tuesday is spent completing the WorkSource paperwork, Wednesday we sit with our Funding Advocate and go through everything, we find out that if approved, we will each receive $2500 towards our training. Total cost (minus gas and food) ... $2517! Holy smokes Batman! They may be paying for EVERYTHING!!

So we submit everything, we are told that the paperwork will be presented to the funding team on Thursday morning, we HAVE to register by Friday at the latest IF the positions are still open. Can you hear the stress and such?? Yes, we said some prayers. On Thursday at 11am we got the call, WE'RE FUNDED!! We call the School and find out that the 2 spots are still open! OMGOSH! Friday morning I picked up our vouchers, they've never had something process this fast (Thank you Lord again). I take my son to another critical appointment (this was truly the week from hell~it was his birthday also). I go drop him at school and let them know I'm picking him up at 2:15pm ... yes, only 4 hours of school Friday due to appts. My girlfriend and I drive 35 min to pick up our uniforms, it took 45 min to get back due to an accident on the road, we picked up my son and dropped him w/ my parents for his birthday w/ them ... then we hightailed it to the College Bookstore to get our supplies, arriving there at 3:30 we learned they close at 4pm. So we picked up everything we needed, ran to get checked out and even though we had some glitches there, we were done at 3:50pm. Absolutely unbelievable! We are starting on Monday, we do an intensive 6 week program that includes 3-36 hr weeks in the classroom and lab and then 3-36 hour weeks in the clinical setting. We finish the week before the kids get out of school. Phew!

If you're still with me, congratulations ... now for the downslope of the roller coaster week.

I've told you about my cousin Bryce who went missing on Jan 31, 2010. His mom and dad both moved to Savannah GA last weekend so that together they could work to find him and bring him home. Tuesday morning they received a phone call to head down to the river near the school. The local Marine Unit was doing a search w/ sonar, they arrived and soon after Bryce's truck was located, unfortunately, Bryce was in it also. Blake and Michaella felt that they couldn't be alone to continue the search, so he asked for a transfer from the Navy base he was at ... they needed to be where Bryce was until they found him. Well they did, he was buried on Sunday May 2nd at 19 years old. Bryce is finally home.

Whew ~ it's been highs and lows, I've cried and prayed, I've laughed and celebrated. I start school full time in the morning and I am so excited about the future! I don't know where I'll be in the blogging world, there's a ton of work to do for the program, but I'll be around and I will definitely covet your prayers during this time. The willingness of the Lord to open these doors has been AMAZING! Let me be a witness to His goodness in the weeks to come, for without him by my side, guiding me, I know that these opportunities would not have revealed themselves in such a manner.

Thanks for sticking with me, I'll be in touch soon!

In HIS name,

~M

On Saturday

I posted about this little guy.....

such a cutie ... 

and he's turned into ... this .... 

my fantastic 12 year old son, who requested chocolate pancakes w/ sprinkles in them for his birthday breakfast today!

Happy Birthday David!!

Prayers & Pictures from the recent past

Yes, I said I would be better at Blogging, today I will catch you up on my life.



First and foremost, I ask that you pray for my friend Morgan and her family. She’s a 7 yr old ball of fire and today she is going her 11th cardiac surgery. Morgans long story is found on her CaringBridge site. While it was updated in February w/ great news, Morgan began a rapid decline soon afterwards. She has a big brother and a little sister, and tons of friends are supporting their family through this.

Now on to the random photos of the past few months …

Remember when I was so sick in February?


I did manage to sneak go out for one night of fun with friends.
A great friend of mine is Jacob Merlin and he has one of the BEST bands in Portland, soon to be hitting up Seattle and Tacoma! I manage his Merchandise for him as well as his Blog (which we just started). This is just some of the fun from that night.




 




Michael is his guitarist. Talk about TALENT!











Oh, while I was sick in February, Abigail broke her foot. Yeah, THAT was (not) fun!












Tim insisted on taking me out for a date night, it was Applebees. We discovered that after 9pm they sell Jello Shots made in orange peels!  He couldn’t resist. While I was tired, it was fun and a needed break.








We needed to get Abigail out of the house … what do you do w/ a kid in a wheelchair?












You go BOWLING! David wheeled her up to the ramp and she let the ball roll down!


This is a special place for us as Mark and I bowled league here for years and later on, Mark and David bowled here together.





What’s the saying? March arrives like a Lion and leaves like a Lamb?
Well for me it arrived w/ Shingles! (there are more pictures on that post if you want to see them)










Easter arrived any my girlfriend Katie and I decided to make chocolate covered Rice Krispie Easter Eggs. It was a ton of fun.







…. well there is quite a bit more to add, but that’s for tomorrow…

So I had to call ....

... my mother. She wants to send kiddo on an overnighter for his birthday but still hasn't given me the details and I need to schedule his birthday party.

Warning: If you don't want to hear a rant today, one based on years and years of dysfunctional behavior that my mother insists does not exist on her part, than come back another day.

That woman totally drive me nuts. There is no other way to say it. She asked how I've been "Haven't heard from  you" ... yeah, well Mom if you actually picked up the phone to call once in awhile, maybe you'd know OR if you read the emails I sent out, you'd know the answer ... so I filled her in on how sick I've been since the end of January w/ the sinus infection, the asthma, the possible MRSA, the allergic reaction and the shingles. Her reaction was "Wow, and you didn't let us know?".

Excuse me as I lose it here .... I'll get back to the story in a minute ...

Why the HELL would I call YOU for support when I am sick? Uhhhh in case you don't remember, back a few years ago, yeah, when my world fell apart...yeah, that day when my husband died?!  Remember how you did NOTHING to help after the Funeral, except tell me that I was over-reacting to my sisters actions. Remember how you haven't done a THING to help when I have said I needed it over the past 3 1/2 years? Yeah, maybe THAT is why I didn't call you. Hmmmm last time we communicated was at the beginning of November (that would be 5 months ago) when I told you our plans for Thanksgiving were to be with you and Christmas up in WA, and you were "put off" because we weren't changing our plans because you didn't tell us about your trip out of the Country that was booked months in advance, that meant you weren't gonna be home for Thanksgiving. Your response at that time was "Great, we don't have to do any decorating or shopping for the holidays then". Wow mom. and you wonder why I don't call you?? Oh that's right, your phone doesn't make calls down the mountain. I forgot about that. The phone lines only run up the mountain. Get a friggin clue and get over yourself mom.

Ok rant over ... now back to the story...

...she proceeds to spend the next 15 minutes telling me about my step-dad, how he's been in and out of the hospital several times over the past few months (insert snarky comment here : this is the first I've heard any of that from her ... oh yeah, the phone lines running down the mt don't work~I forgot), how her laptop computer isn't working and she needs to get another one, but she doesn't like "System 7" because it's totally different than XP (blah blah blah). She told me how her house is such a mess because they had wood floors put down throughout the whole place and now she has to wash all her china and crystal by hand, (insert snarky comment here: OMGOSH THE WORLD IS GOING TO END ~ Mom THAT is the reason I don't have China or Crustal in my house ~ oh wait, no THAT is because my selfish SISTER took all of it from my inheritance split.) but I digress .... I really really digressed there (whoops) ....

so back to the overnighter that Mom wants to schedule. I for the life of me could NOT find them on the website she told me about, which initiated this call in the first place, and she informs me they are listed under the GROUP events. So while I have her on the line I pull them up and found them and as I read I tell her "These are events that are set up for School Groups mom" and she informs me that she is going to call and see if they'll make an exception and allow her to schedule one for her grandson and his friend, UGH Yes, this is seriously what I deal with when I have to deal with this woman. She truly feels that the world revolves around her. Well, we finally ended the call with her saying she would call me back later today, we will see. Honestly, if there is anyone that can get a place to do a "special case" it would be her, because she knows everyone and anyone that means anything in this Country, just ask her ... she'll tell you ....

(as I label this post, I wonder if I should add a category for SNARK)

Weathering the storm

I have so much swirling through my head and I know I won't be able to get it all out here, and if I were to do that, you wouldn't understand it anyway. That's ok though, because I blog for me, not for you, right?

Kiddo is having a really rough time right now and it's wearing on me emotionally. His anxiety is at an all time high and I can't pinpoint a reason, other than "The Holidays". I know it sounds like an excuse to those that don't understand the grieving process "Whoa it's the holidays, that gives them a free pass to be nasty?" I, as an adult, am able to identify times that I KNOW I will be 'in a mood' and prepare others for them. The week before June 21st, the 3rd week of September through the 10th of October. If I have the random down day, I recognize it and can make adjustments. Children though, they are a different beast when it comes to grief. They can't always verbalize what is bothering them, only that "something is wrong". They aren't able to decipher those deep seated feelings, fears, emotions and ask for help. They act out.

Kiddo is holding his head a lot, pulling his hair, groaning, moaning, clenching his teeth and grunting. I imagine that if I gave him some paper and crayons he'd be back to dark drawings (which he's not done in about 6 months). There is hurt and anger inside him that he can't express, and it's eating him from the inside out. As a mother, it kills me to see this, he has to weather through the storm though.

I pray for calm. I pray for understanding from those around, that his classmates go easy on him because he is sooo on the edge and vulnerable right now. I pray that people see his behavior as a response to grief,  not as something purposeful on his part.

It’s obvious he’s growing up

I just got off the phone with my son. He called from his cell to ask if he can go to his friends house after school. He's already checked w/ the other mom (one of my best friends) AND with the bus driver to see if she'll drop them there (it's the Activity bus not his regular bus). So I said yes.

I called my girlfriend and told her my biggest fear is that they’ll convince the bus driver into dropping them at the Trading Card shop or the Mexican candy store! lol

Success for the kiddo ...

He's started running Cross Country at the Middle School.

Today was his first day, he called me at 5 to let me know he was on the bus home ~ yup ~ I let him take his cell phone to school just in case there was a problem and he was responsible with it! He had a 1/2 mile walk home from where the Activity Bus drops off, so I will have to do pick up there when the weather changes, but it's worth it! I truly hope this is something that he can do well with, it's all about him and expending energy in a responsible manner. Score 1 for mom!

When he got home he wanted to go play with a friend but he had to do homework first, and although he grumbled, he actually did it! Score 2 for mom!

After finishing homework he brought me his first graded assignment, 25/25; it was a fun assignment, I think everyone probably got 25/25 on it, but HE was sooo proud of himself, we all looked at it and High-fived him and praised the hell out of him for it! Score a HUGE 1 for the Kiddo!!

Kids and the grieving process...

Posted elsewhere about David last May 2008... while he's doing better now, he still has days where his heart has a hole in it that can't be filled. It hurts so bad, I wish I could take that pain away from him.

********************************

5-14-2008, 11:08 PM #1
______________

Marissa wrote:

For David....
.... the grieving process of losing his Dad has entered a new phase. He's asking specific questions about Marks death, he is expressing that he has a huge "empty" spot in his heart. Tonight he couldn't sleep, he asked to watch the video slideshow that was shown to the Church of the mission trip he was on when he died...it brought up comments, I know there will be rough days ahead. I'm so glad that Tim and Clark are here to help us through it.

~~ I'll be emailing the school counselor and his teacher, his teacher is leaving the class this week to have a baby next week...I'm sure that "loss" is part of this too.

*05-15-2008, 12:29 AM

I cannot imagine what he, or you, must be going through.
You both are in my prayers.

Amy

 

*05-15-2008, 03:44 AM

Praying for both of you to get through this difficult period of time.

Penny

 

*I am so sorry that you both are going through this right now. Children process death much more differentely than you and I. While it appeared David was handling things, his grief came out in his behavior earlier. He most likely couldn't understand the feelings he was having and he just couldn't express them to you or anybody else in a way that was meaningful to him.

Now, that its become evident that Mark's death is permanent, he's naturally showing curiosity about it in order to understand and process what happened as well as devise strategies to prevent it from happening to you. Be prepared for him to become angrily protective over you, even trying to shield you from the love and care of others. And understand that he still doesn't understand that this was a fluke, something that happens only to a certain person at a certain time. We process death in understanding that God has a magnificent plan for our lives and only He knows the date and time of our birth and the date and time of our death. However, when children hear that, they begin to wonder when your date and time is and when his date and time is, they are unable to process the circle of life.

And as David ages and matures, his grief will change, the way he processes information will change. It may take him many years to get through this, his grieving process, or it may only take him a few, there is no time limit on it. And sometimes, it will seem as if he's accepted it and then, a month or a year later, it will hit him again and hit him hard.

These are rough years for you and David, but Marissa, I promise you that you will both get through this, together and your relationship will be stronger for it. I know its hard to see your son hurt so much and I just wish I could reach out to you both and give you great big hugs, but do know that you are always in my heart and in my prayers.

Pooh

*05-15-2008, 07:55 AM #17

Our God is good. Now I know why you have been on my heart so much lately! I will be praying (more specifically) for you both .

Tess

*05-15-2008, 09:28 AM #19

Hugs and prayers!!!!

Anne R

 

************

05-27-2008, 05:15 PM #22
Marissa wrote:


David woke up today in the BEST MOOD...he told me that he prayed for Daddy to come talk to him in a dream AND HE DID!!! He said that he's really missing him and it was nice to see him.

*05-27-2008, 05:32 PM #24

Rejoicing with you and David, but it still made me teary.

CandleGram

*Oh, how awesome is that!
Jleah

*Hugs and prayers for the journey.

E&Bsmom

05-27-2008, 06:53 PM #27

Quote:

Originally Posted by CandleGram
Rejoicing with you and David, but it still made me teary.

Karen

Oh I was crying when he told me, it was a great moment! 

Marissa

Thats great Marissa!

I haven't had any dreams that my mom is talking to me yet, but I was having dreams about her. And in all those dreams she was healthy and happy. Those gave me ALOT of comfort.

One of my family members told me about a month after mom died that she had a dream that my mom called from heaven to say that everything was fine.
Lauren

05-27-2008, 07:57 PM #29

I am so glad David was able to receive this comfort at this perfect time

Tess

05-27-2008, 08:11 PM

That is a blessing Marissa!
Traci

05-27-2008, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skippyplante View Post
Thats great Marissa!

I haven't had any dreams that my mom is talking to me yet, but I was having dreams about her. And in all those dreams she was healthy and happy. Those gave me ALOT of comfort.

One of my family members told me about a month after mom died that she had a dream that my mom called from heaven to say that everything was fine.

That's great! Mark has visited others that were with him when he died, I haven't had a conscious memory of him yet...but it's ok...

Living life ...
Marissa

05-29-2008, 05:33 PM

That must have been awesome for him.
Kathi

05-29-2008, 08:54 PM

The biggest comfort for me is when David comes to me in a dream. It is always so vivid, I can hear his voice and I can even smell him and feel his touch. I know its strange, but it happens on a regular basis.

Let your David know that he can always "keep in touch" with his father through his dreams. Just because Mark is gone to Heaven doesn't mean that David can't share his ups and downs with him. I do that with David all the time.

I get in a quiet, dark place and I put together all my memories of his voice, his smell, his touch, his smile, everything and I concentrate on those memories and then I just start sharing my day with him. I share my joys and I share my hurts just as if he were here. And it does comfort me.
Pooh

06-10-2008, 03:20 PM #37
Marissa


Update
This is definitely HIS summer to work on the grieving process.

Last year I tried getting him into the Dougy Center and Camp Erin and was unsuccessful ... I've just confirmed his participation in BOTH programs for this summer!

http://www.moyerfoundation.org/events/erin.aspx

www.dougycenter.org

07-20-2008, 12:46 PM #39
mikandles

Marissa, my stepmom is familiar with the Dougy Center. My niece lost her father about a year ago and they were somewhat distant to begin with, but she sometimes has outbursts about it. They attend grief counseling together, though I'm not sure where.

Anyway, maybe you'll see them there. Nicole is 6.

It's Friday!

We're still 12 days away from the start of school, my son is bored to tears (literally, he cried last night about being so bored).

Today we're going to finish his bedroom transformation that was started on ... oh ... April 28th! Yes I AM that procrastinator. Life has just been in the way, seriously, STOP LAUGHING at me! Better now? Good.

So on the topic of life getting in the way, we were supposed to head up to WA for a couple days, pick up the step-daughter, go to a 21st Birthday BBQ for my Kings' neice and then visit my sister in law and brother in law tomorrow. They recently relocated from CA to the same town that one of my Kings sisters lives in. However, if you recall, my King lost his job almost a month ago and the money just isn't in the budget.

(Here's where it gets good) Sooooo we contacted the Kings ex-wife and let her know of our change in plans (funny, we have no problems ~other than grumbles and laughs ~ when she changes plans but when we do it we screw up her entire life). She's bringing the step-daughter here Sunday afternoon and we will bring her home Tuesday. Why Tuesday? Well because she starts school on Wednesday. Now ... you are surely wondering, WHY is that a problem? Well I suppose it's not, but the reason ex-wife is gladly dropping her off here (because it doesn't happen, believe me) is that she's going to CA for a week. WHAT??? YOU ARE LEAVING YOUR DAUGHTER TO DO HER FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL ALONE? Well not alone, her older sister will get her off to school...but Come ON! How many moms, especially one that calls almost daily crying when her daughter is on visitation here (even if it's only 2 days) telling her "baby" that she misses her so much, misses the first day of school for any child, especially a special needs child?

Ok, I had better stop, because the mean, nasty side of me is going to rear it's ugly head. I try so hard to be a good christian, but bottom line, I'm human and this woman really really tests all my beliefs in people. Breathe, breathe, breathe ....

My king is making yummy omelettes for us to eat ... off to enjoy.

Testing out Windows Live Writer

This is a new to me 3rd party blogging software that is free through Microsoft. I figured I’d try it out, heck, it’s FREE!

 

Playing with the photo options….

 

Ok…THIS will be fun!!

I definitely am going to keep this up for awhile …

Let’s see how it posts.

I hate days like this...

... because I hate being the "mean responsible mom" that has to tell her child "You can't go".

David has a rash that has spread across most his body. I spoke with the advice Nurse, he has no fever or other symptoms, but he cannot be around other kids for 72 hours, which also means he cannot attend the G.R.E.A.T. Summer Camp that he started yesterday. We are so fortunate to have these opportunities in our Community, and this week is specifically for 6th graders. I've called them and asked that he be allowed to go next week w/ the 7th, 8th, 9th graders, but I completely understand that it's probably not going to happen.

Today was a field trip to the North Clackamas Aquatic Park, I've promised to take him another time.

All night long....

My son is at one of his best friends house, they split their time between the two places ... just had this yahoo exchange with my girlfriend Katie:

katie: Hey you!

tap: hey there

tap: how r the boys doing?

katie: Well let me tell you,,,,

tap: oh no

tap: what they do

katie: I woke up to them playing at 2am and told them to go to sleep right now

tap: lol

tap:

katie: then i woke up about 6am and heard them again thinking they couldnt posssobly be awake already

tap: noooooooooo they didn't sleep??

katie: nonono they never went to sleep so i put them to bed and now they are sleeping

tap: omgosh THAT is a riot!!

tap: i don't think they've ever done that before!!

katie: no not here

tap: not here either ... those sneaky bastards lol

katie: YEP sneaky little things they had to be really quit too!

tap: i'm still giggling

katie: yep so today they comin to you

tap: lol are they crashed right now?

katie: yes

katie: and im not wakig them up

tap: i bet they were all bleary eyed!

katie: no they seemed normal which really bothered me

tap: oh. my. gosh!!

katie: needless to say ill make sure next time theyre actually in bed

katie: at 2am

tap: lol you need to put a pin code on the wii! i do...

tap: they won't be playing it here, or on computer ... lol

katie: or 9pm if im feeling mean

tap: well heck yeah

katie: sill silly boys

tap: lol too funny ... and i bet they thought they'd get away with it

tap: what was their reaction at 6am?

katie: they tried to say they just got up

katie: so i asked them again and they confessed

tap5: lol they just got up, yeah, with a dynamite blast maybe

katie: yep well i better get to work ill call you later when they get up

tap: sounds great lol

When I pick them up in a few hours, they will NOT be playing any video games or computer games today, in fact they are getting tossed outside and not let inside until dinner time!

Black & White ~ and kids

From elsewhere ... back in April 2005

Would like your input...

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On our way to Chicago, while waiting for the plane, an Indian family sat down near my son and me. They had a little boy just a bit younger than Jim. The two boys played together for a while (our plane had been delayed). While neither spoke the language of the other, they had a great time.

Jim and I stepped away to go to the bathroom and when we had come back, they moved out gate. When we got to the new gate, we were not sitting close to them any more. So Jim started asking me, "Where's my brown friend?" My first thought was, "How nice that he wants to keep playing." Then I realized that what he said could sound bad. He's not quite 4 and DH and I don't refer to people by color (it's not how we see people). Jim asked me why he was brown (he's into that "why" stage). I told him that God made people different. If we were all the same, life would be boring.

A similar situation happened on the way home. While waiting to board (in that long crowded walkway to the plane), we were standing behind an African-American lady. And Jim was asking me why her hair was the way it was (it was in a tight-type dredlock). Again, I explained that her hair looked good that way. Then he asked why I didn't do it to my hair. I told him my hair wouldn't look as good because it wouldn't work as well. And he asked why, so again, I explained that God made each of us different.

I haven't viewed this as any more than a young child noticing differences in people and I am working to make that a very positive thing (as in we all have differences and that's what's great about the world).

If you had overheard my son, would it have offended you? What would your thoughts have been? How would you have responded if he were your child?

My response:

I think you did a great job.

We have a good friend that is black (please don't take offense, that's how he refers to himself...) and David has grown up with Dwayne being around and I don't think he notices the difference. Now last year we had a chance to spend a day with a wonderful yourg man from Haiti, he spoke French and very little english...David took him for his first McDonalds ever. When we said our good-byes he gave David a hug and put his hands to Davids face to cup it warmly, David looked at his hands and said to us "How come he's got brown hands?". Mind you...David spent all day with him and it never came up. We explained that like Dwayne, his skin is darker than ours, it's how God made him.

Now David has an awesome bus driver named Nick, David calls him Nick

Now...I tell you that last statement because I just called him in and asked him what color we were "White" and what about Dwayne "Black" ...Does is matter? "No, because...oh I can't remember his name, but he stopped the war between the black and white people and said we should be friends"...so what is Nick, Black or African American..."He's just Nick". The boy sees color but doesn't get caught up in it, sometimes he may describe someone as black, brown or white to help ME identify which kid in a crowd he's talking about, but that's about it.

LOVE IT!

What would your response have been?

Wow ...

What a week it has been ...

Father's Day
Ed McMahon passing
Anniversary of my husbands passing
Dougy Center burning down
Farrah Fawcett passing
Michael Jackson passing
2 kids all week
1 dog all week

and a boat load of laundry to show for it all....

guess where I'll be hanging out!!

Quick update ...

Sunday was an emotional rollercoaster.

• We spread some of Marks ashes at Church,
• Celebrated with the High School Youth Group on their successful mission trip to Denver Colorado.
  
• Remembered the life of Jim Nelson, a wonderful man of Christ.

I thought that was enough ....

Monday morning I woke to the news that the Dougy Center Grief Support building that we have gone to for over a year, was burned down. It appears to be arson.

It was as if someone poured salt in wounds, the pain was tremendous. Why someone would target a place that provides comfort and hope to so many that are already hurting is beyond comprehension.

I watched and read the reports, cried, felt ill. Perhaps my reaction is a bit too much, but I truly do see the difference the program has made in our lives since we started there. I've seen it help others in amazing ways. To see it all in ashes is unfathomable, yet it is.

We go there tonight, we will hold group in the Office next door. Their will be a lot to process. Alot of unknowns at this point. The one thing I do know is that the Dougy Center WILL move past this. It will take the help of many and pretty soon, money needs to roll in for the project. It's more than a building, there was so much inside to replace, and yet so much that can't be replaced. It seriously is like a family member is gone now.

I will post more about this, My family is planning something to do...

I folded ...

My 11 yr old now has a pre-paid cell phone. Urgh. We've put strict rules on it, here they are:

Rules of David’s Phone

1) David can call Mom, Tim, Aunt Bibet and Clark ONLY.

2) David can receive calls from Mom, Tim, Aunt Bibet and Clark ONLY.

3) There are to be NO text messages sent or received on this phone.

4) David does NOT know his phone number and has no reason to know it.

5) David is not to access the internet or download anything on his phone, it is for emergency and update use only with those mentioned above.

6) David must ask permission to take the phone outside the house.

7) David’s phone use can be monitored at any time by any of the above people and if there is an issue with calls, any of the adults can pull David’s phone privileges.

8) David is NOT allowed to send text messages from his phone.

9) If David breaks these rules, he will lose this privilege.

10) This agreement will be reviewed in 3 months.

He's already taken about 20 photos, has showed it to our college age neighbor and has it on his sweat pants now as he rides to his friends house.

Why does this scare the heck outta me??? My kiddo is growing up!! AHHHHH!!!

It's Friday ...

And I'm headed out to help with the 5th Grade Party ... my boy is GROWING UP! I'll be back later, with pictures. Have a GREAT day folks!!!

Oh ... while I'm away .... how 'bout leaving me a question or 3 that you want answered about the House of Chaos?? Somedays I need help w/ writing, those would be great to deal with lol!!!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This week I did NOT allow my child to play hooky from school so we could do a "family field trip" to watch the Rose Festival Fleet come in after visiting the KGW Studio on the Square.

I did NOT warn my child that eating pizza for breakfast, after having it for dinner, would be a bad idea for one that has a lactose intolerance.

My child did NOT promptly run to the bathroom AFTER I told him that we had 20 min before we would leave for the aforementioned trip and upon exiting the bathroom, inform me that he should NOT have eaten the pizza.

I did NOT tell my child "I told you so", (really ... I didn't!!) I DID tell him to go lay in bed, and did NOT notice that he fell asleep for a few hours.

Have I told you that I do NOT believe in natural consequences?

(I sure do, really, really, really I do.... how else will he learn?)

Thanks for reading, I hope you leave a comment and let me know if you are joining in this Not Me! Monday Circus so I can NOT read how your week went!