appears those that you least expect to help out.
While my main support system did fail, I can't let it pass that I did get help from unsuspecting people.
Lea was busy Fri night, and i know she's up really early for work, so I admit, I didn't think to call her even though she's in the neighborhood. She was heading to bed, she went to close her browser and saw my FB plea for help, and sent me the text saying she had to change back into clothes and was on her way.
Kate saw my frustration on twitter Sat that my friend didn't go get my meds as promised, so she added me to her list of errands, did my shopping, banking and med run for me. Seriously folks, she was an angel, we had only met IRL once before at my garage sale. She has the cutest kids, I gladly kept them here so she could get a little time alone also.
My boyfriend Eric and his daughter came over on Sunday to spend a few hours before he drove her home and had to head North, he just started a new job and is working almost 50 hrs a week.
A former neighbor came by with a surprise Christmas food drop for me. 5 bags of groceries and a Turkey. Humbled and blessed.
My friend Jake dropped by w/ a fantastic Christmas CD for me, and has called daily even though he's getting ready for his band's first music video shoot this weekend.
My ex even offered to drive down 3 hours to spend time helping if I needed, yet none of the "close friends" that have been here through all of this, were able to be here for me.
So while it was frustrating, there were major bright lights from unexpected places, and they weren't trains! I am blessed, I am humbled that people I barely know would go out of their way to help me out. It's times like these that really show you where we need to prune. Thank you Lord for being so blunt!
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Friday, December 17, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Where you realize your support system is non-existent
warning, this post is angry, disjointed, and basically a widowed moms worst nightmare ...
Last Wednesday, the shivers and shakes started. I couldn't warm up, no matter what I tried. Then the fever hit and remained through Friday night, when it spiked once again, almost to 103*.
Reality hit, this momma's worst nightmare. I had to go to the ER. There was no way around it. I put the word out that I needed help, Ihave thought I had lots of friends around and amazingly enough, everyone no one could help. My sister was in Washington DC on business and she was calling in favors to get me there, but no luck. Then one friend, the last person I thought of because she was busy, happened to see my post on Facebook and texted to say "on my way". None of the "close friends" that have said "whatever you need", were able to help. I got into the shower to clean up before heading out, I sat on the floor to dry my hair, and my son sat next to me crying "Please don't die Mom, please don't die." My sister spent sometime talking to him on the phone, trying to calm him down as I got ready to leave. He was going with me, I couldn't leave him alone, not knowing how long I'd be, nor what was going on.
He stayed in the waiting room while I went in for tests and I let them know when I was ready for him. He didn't want to show how upset and worried he was, but he climbed up on the gurney with me and snuggled. I was heavily medicated at that point, so him being on me didn't hurt one bit. I was released a few hours later w/ a diagnosis of a severe kidney infection. I wish I could say that was the end of the story, that I recovered and all was well. Unfortunately that's not the case. Having gone through the sudden loss of his dad, kiddo was very stressed all week. Unable to concentrate, focus, sleep. Worried about losing me without notice. A 12 year old shouldn't be thinking of such things.
On Wednesday, while he was at school, I developed some intense pain, called my doc and was directed to head back into the ER. It was close enough to the end of school that I knew I needed to let them know. I made arrangements w/ myso-called friend that he'd go home w/ her son, they're best friends, but she "couldn't be there and couldn't drive me". I drove myself across town to the emergency room. On the way I called the school counselor and asked her to call kiddo into her office and let him know what was going on and what he needed to do. How else could I handle this? I had no clue what to do.
I was in an exam room with no cell coverage, so I did my best to convince myself that he'd be ok. By the time I got back, with new meds and narcotics, and food to toss in the microwave for dinner, I found my son and his friend alone in the house. My girlfriend said they didn't want to stay at her house. ACK. I cooked dinner and the boys headed over there for the night. I normally don't allow weeknight sleepovers, but i was wiped out and in pain. I needed the pain meds and hate taking them when it's just him and I in case something happens.
I woke at 7am, dozed until 9ish, got up, took meds and by 11 was back in bed. It was around 1ish that I got a message from school. Kiddo fell asleep in school. Told his teacher he had a sleepover and didn't sleep much. I contacted my girlfriend and she said that he was up until 3am. Double ACK. I don't allow that when the boys are here. Can you sense my frustration? This is the same friend that hasn't called once to check in on me since last Friday when I went to the hospital the first time.
So my son came home, I heard him yelling at his friends "You don't know what it's like to have a parent die, I need to stay with my mom" ...
There are so many thoughts and feelings that I have about all of this.
I am closing here, because my brain is reeling with thoughts. Thoughts that I can't put together coherently and it's beginning to show in my writing.
Last Wednesday, the shivers and shakes started. I couldn't warm up, no matter what I tried. Then the fever hit and remained through Friday night, when it spiked once again, almost to 103*.
Reality hit, this momma's worst nightmare. I had to go to the ER. There was no way around it. I put the word out that I needed help, I
He stayed in the waiting room while I went in for tests and I let them know when I was ready for him. He didn't want to show how upset and worried he was, but he climbed up on the gurney with me and snuggled. I was heavily medicated at that point, so him being on me didn't hurt one bit. I was released a few hours later w/ a diagnosis of a severe kidney infection. I wish I could say that was the end of the story, that I recovered and all was well. Unfortunately that's not the case. Having gone through the sudden loss of his dad, kiddo was very stressed all week. Unable to concentrate, focus, sleep. Worried about losing me without notice. A 12 year old shouldn't be thinking of such things.
On Wednesday, while he was at school, I developed some intense pain, called my doc and was directed to head back into the ER. It was close enough to the end of school that I knew I needed to let them know. I made arrangements w/ my
I was in an exam room with no cell coverage, so I did my best to convince myself that he'd be ok. By the time I got back, with new meds and narcotics, and food to toss in the microwave for dinner, I found my son and his friend alone in the house. My girlfriend said they didn't want to stay at her house. ACK. I cooked dinner and the boys headed over there for the night. I normally don't allow weeknight sleepovers, but i was wiped out and in pain. I needed the pain meds and hate taking them when it's just him and I in case something happens.
I woke at 7am, dozed until 9ish, got up, took meds and by 11 was back in bed. It was around 1ish that I got a message from school. Kiddo fell asleep in school. Told his teacher he had a sleepover and didn't sleep much. I contacted my girlfriend and she said that he was up until 3am. Double ACK. I don't allow that when the boys are here. Can you sense my frustration? This is the same friend that hasn't called once to check in on me since last Friday when I went to the hospital the first time.
So my son came home, I heard him yelling at his friends "You don't know what it's like to have a parent die, I need to stay with my mom" ...
There are so many thoughts and feelings that I have about all of this.
- If you say you're going to be there for someone in their time of need, dammit, be there.
- Friendship isn't something you turn on and off at will. Either you're friends and you'll stand by each other, or you won't.
- Grief is a cyclical process and you never know what will set off a child from one point of that cycle into another point of it.
- PTSD affects even children. My child suffers from it and it rears it's ugly head at times like this.
- I hate that my son has to think of "what if mom dies"
I am closing here, because my brain is reeling with thoughts. Thoughts that I can't put together coherently and it's beginning to show in my writing.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
U-Haul Madness!
So these guys were amazing ... I may have already told you that ...
apparently though, my parking back at the UHaul location wasn't. I don't have pictures yet, but I may be able to get them. Apparently when I backed that 26 footer into the wrong spot, I took out part of the fence. I'm devastated that I did that, I made a mistake and I feel horrible about it, but WHY didn't the Manager CALL ME before charging my checking account an additional $307.84 for the repairs??
I am LIVID about it!
Talk about a punch in the gut! I don't have that money just sitting around!
Heck, I don't even get my SS until a week from tomorrow!
And by then my Rent will be late, so I'll owe an additional $75 there ...
Please please pray that I get a job and fast!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Refreshed!
I spent the weekend w/ my friend Eric and his childhood friends on the Oregon and Washington Coast. The attraction? Hot Rod Car Shows and time away from the kiddo.
Sat was spent walking Seaside …
then back for the Hot Rod Drag in Long Beach
Then we BBQ’d … and Duke did the dishes
and then we walked the drag, hung out on corners, watched the drunks and the cars … and had a blast!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Bits and Pieces ...
I'm not in school, it's been a week since I finished my Nursing Assistant course and now I'm waiting for others to tell me when I can move on.
A dear friend had a very rough week. Her actions caused me much concern over her well being. She cut me off. I stayed the course and continued to let her know that I will be here when she's ready, I could be there in 30 min if needed, I love her, she's not getting rid of me that easily. Going 12 hours without hearing from her set off every alarm in my body, but I stayed faithful to her and to the Lord in prayer, and she came through it. We went out last night for dinner, it was nice to see her smile and laugh, even if for a fleeting moment. She's a long way from better, but she's a long way from where she was earlier in the week. The Lord is amazing if we stay faithful to him.
It's also the dreaded Anniversary weekend. I've tried to keep it to myself. I don't want it to be one of those "oh there she is dredging it up again" things, but the reality is, it's a part of me and I don't want to forget Mark and what happened. Part of me will always be angry at those that drove him to an earlier death than we anticipated, no amount of crying, rationalizing, counseling will ever take that feeling away. I should still be with him, my son should still have his Dad here. Father's Day should be a fun time to mess around, and now it's a day that even though I put on a smile for Tim, I don't enjoy at all right now. It's just an evil reminder of what we don't have in our life. It's not fair, and I know that life isn't fair, but it's not fair and I want to simply throw a tantrum and scream. I want my best friend back.
A dear friend had a very rough week. Her actions caused me much concern over her well being. She cut me off. I stayed the course and continued to let her know that I will be here when she's ready, I could be there in 30 min if needed, I love her, she's not getting rid of me that easily. Going 12 hours without hearing from her set off every alarm in my body, but I stayed faithful to her and to the Lord in prayer, and she came through it. We went out last night for dinner, it was nice to see her smile and laugh, even if for a fleeting moment. She's a long way from better, but she's a long way from where she was earlier in the week. The Lord is amazing if we stay faithful to him.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
He has Blessed me ....
The Lord knows what we need, when we need it...
A month ago, He brought an amazing person into my life...
We were acquaintances for sometime, but he deepened our relationship...
We're becoming inseparable....
I can't thank him enough for bringing her into my life.
A month ago, He brought an amazing person into my life...
We were acquaintances for sometime, but he deepened our relationship...
We're becoming inseparable....
I can't thank him enough for bringing her into my life.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas
What an amazing week I've had, I can't wait to tell you all about it. Talk about emotional roller-coasters, well I've been on them and they have finally come to a satisfying end. Pictures will be included ... stay tuned! Until then, remember the TRUE meaning of this amazing day, the gift of Jesus Christ!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Cale and Christa ...
UPDATED: PRAYERS ARE AMAZING! BOTH CALE AND CHRISTA ARE OUT AND ABOUT!!
Cale is due October 24th with Baby Caden, they spent the first 4 1/2 months of the pregnancy in the hospital due to hyper-emisis. The last few weeks have been better, but not 100%.
Christa is due December 24th and broke out in a rash head to toe and has had trouble breathing. She spent the day in the hospital, she's home now, fasting for 10 hours before she returns to the hospital for more testing tomorrow.
Please keep these two moms-to-be in your prayers.
Monday, August 24, 2009
A friend and being humbled ...
A friend of mine stopped over unannounced.
She told my to come out to her van....
and she proceeded to unpack 8 bags of groceries for us...
she hugged me as I sniffled...
and drove away.
I'm going to bake her cookies. and eat lots of eggs.
She told my to come out to her van....
and she proceeded to unpack 8 bags of groceries for us...
she hugged me as I sniffled...
and drove away.
I'm going to bake her cookies. and eat lots of eggs.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I helped...
that's what I did tonight.
an old friend called,
she and her fiancee' have been having a hard time with some things,
so I jumped on the computer,
gave my credit card to a website,
and may have found her fiancee's daughters,
that have been missing for about 8 years.
Yes, it cost me about $50, that I really don't have,
and even if it were to put me NSF,
hearing them cry and thank me for getting them the info
was all the re-payment needed.
They didn't ask me to do it,
I was called because they needed to vent.
I truly believe in doing the right thing,
it's what we are challenged to do,
I truly hope he finds his daughters.
Please pray for them.
I'll update when I know more.
Have you helped?
Just because??
an old friend called,
she and her fiancee' have been having a hard time with some things,
so I jumped on the computer,
gave my credit card to a website,
and may have found her fiancee's daughters,
that have been missing for about 8 years.
Yes, it cost me about $50, that I really don't have,
and even if it were to put me NSF,
hearing them cry and thank me for getting them the info
was all the re-payment needed.
They didn't ask me to do it,
I was called because they needed to vent.
I truly believe in doing the right thing,
it's what we are challenged to do,
I truly hope he finds his daughters.
Please pray for them.
I'll update when I know more.
Have you helped?
Just because??
Thursday, May 07, 2009
An attempt ...
To back-fill this blog is underway.
Let me explain. On June 21, 2006, life as I knew it changed drastically. My husband of nearly 10 years had a sudden cardiac arrest while in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and died instantly.
I reached out to a community of people that I had known for years, and then blogged on my MySpace page (that I no longer have). What I will be doing is moving those posts to this place. Feel free to read through, I will have comments open and you are welcome to comment on any post you desire.
Why, after all this time, am I doing this? For some simple reasons. First and foremost, the Lord put me in this situation for a reason, I am not sure what that reason is, but hopefully by sharing this story it will help someone else. This story is a part of my life, there is no way around it, it has molded and changed me in ways that I never thought possible. Finally, I want this to be available for our son to read as he gets older. I want him to see how WE were loved and supported through the years, and why many times my answer was "honey, we just can't do that".
I hope this helps someone, somewhere. Enjoy learning about The Day Mark was called Home.
Let me explain. On June 21, 2006, life as I knew it changed drastically. My husband of nearly 10 years had a sudden cardiac arrest while in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and died instantly.
I reached out to a community of people that I had known for years, and then blogged on my MySpace page (that I no longer have). What I will be doing is moving those posts to this place. Feel free to read through, I will have comments open and you are welcome to comment on any post you desire.
Why, after all this time, am I doing this? For some simple reasons. First and foremost, the Lord put me in this situation for a reason, I am not sure what that reason is, but hopefully by sharing this story it will help someone else. This story is a part of my life, there is no way around it, it has molded and changed me in ways that I never thought possible. Finally, I want this to be available for our son to read as he gets older. I want him to see how WE were loved and supported through the years, and why many times my answer was "honey, we just can't do that".
I hope this helps someone, somewhere. Enjoy learning about The Day Mark was called Home.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Ok ... about the severe lapse in posts ... a bit of an explanation
I will be filling in the gap soon ... I'm working on condensing some posts from My Space and another online Community into something here that will make sense.
Until then, I will upload a video for you to watch, this was compiled and produced by a dear friend, Belinda Johnson at www.prodsol.net for what was Marks Memorial Website.
Until then, I will upload a video for you to watch, this was compiled and produced by a dear friend, Belinda Johnson at www.prodsol.net for what was Marks Memorial Website.
In Memory of Mark William Phillips
October 3, 1964 ~ June 21, 2006
October 3, 1964 ~ June 21, 2006
Thursday, February 12, 2009
haiti at last
| 02-08-2009, 01:44 PM | #1 |
| questioning my sanity   Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Oregon Posts: 14,822  | For strength .... We have a Haiti team leaving Thursday for a 10 day Mission. I've decided that I am going to divide Mark's ashes and send some with this group. This is the third anniversary of his trip there and some of the people going were very close to him. I feel that Mark won't truly be honored until some of him is scattered at the beach village. Pray for their strength and safety as they travel and complete this difficult medical mission, this area was devastated 4 times in the past year by hurricanes. Pray for my strength and that of those here at home, as I go through the process of packaging a piece of Mark for his final resting place, where his heart truly lived. |
| Living life ... | |
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 02-08-2009, 01:51 PM | #2 |
| Gettin' Jiggy    Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Southwestern Ohio Posts: 14,029  |  I think Mark will enjoy getting back to Haiti...... |
| Ready for Spring! | |
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| 02-08-2009, 02:12 PM | #3 | |
| questioning my sanity Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Oregon Posts: 14,822 | I posted this on Marks memorial group from Facebook Quote:
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| Living life ... | ||
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| 02-08-2009, 02:16 PM | #4 |
| Government Wife  Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: united states Posts: 9,652 | Marissa, Many many many for you and David and the church team. &  for all! |
| The task ahead of you is never as great as the power within you! Phillipians 4:13 | |
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| 02-08-2009, 03:06 PM | #5 |
| Crafting away  Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: NY Posts: 12,547 | |
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| 02-08-2009, 03:27 PM | #6 |
| Come on Spring!!!  Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: SoCA Posts: 4,211 | Marissa, that is awesome! |
| Life is Good ~ Again! Judy | |
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| 02-08-2009, 04:09 PM | #7 |
| I have FLING FEVER   Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Sycamore, OH Posts: 11,010 | |
 As you slide down the bannister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way. | |
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| 02-08-2009, 04:16 PM | #8 |
| Registered User  Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Hutchinson, KS Posts: 478 | |
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| 02-08-2009, 04:33 PM | #9 |
| Registered User  Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 4,134 | wow marissa, i think that is touching. |
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| 02-08-2009, 04:41 PM | #10 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Ohio Posts: 12,217 | Many prayers! |
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| 02-08-2009, 04:47 PM | #11 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Byron, IL Posts: 4,012  | |
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| 02-08-2009, 05:20 PM | #12 |
| formerly Fertilita  Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Florida Posts: 6,789 | |
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| 02-08-2009, 06:19 PM | #13 |
| Loves Online College!   Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Tennessee Posts: 9,172 | prayers for you and the mission group. Very touching and appropriate thing to do. hugs to you while you take this step. |
| Dreams Come True, Just Never Give Up on them!  | |
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| 02-08-2009, 06:39 PM | #14 |
| Registered User Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: St. Thomas PA Posts: 7,160 | prayers |
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| 02-08-2009, 07:04 PM | #15 |
| Spring Is Here!!!   Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: IL Posts: 12,620 | ers |
 Is so much FUN!!! | |
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| 02-08-2009, 07:43 PM | #16 |
| Amazing grace!   Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: North Central Texas Posts: 17,528 | What a great tribute to Mark |
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| 02-08-2009, 08:43 PM | #17 |
| Loving Life Right Now  Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: North Carolina Posts: 10,914 | |
 Anything unattemped remains impossible. | |
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| 02-08-2009, 09:05 PM | #18 |
| questioning my sanity Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Oregon Posts: 14,822 | Thank you all for your prayers. David is going to bed now, I'm on my way to tuck him in and discuss whether he wants to help me divide Marks ashes or not. My plan is to fill two or three pill bottles and seal them in bubble wrap and then a ziplock bag. David, Clark, Tim and I will say a prayer over them before I bring them to Jim. |
| Living life ... | |
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| 02-09-2009, 02:47 AM | #19 |
| My Love~My Life~My Joey   Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Edison, New Jersey Posts: 11,055 | I think Mark would be proud of you for doing this for him. |
| "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" ~ Dr. Suess | |
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| 02-09-2009, 05:26 AM | #20 |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Cleveland, TN Posts: 3,457 | |
| I'm not going thru a valley; I'm simply changing mountains! | |
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| 02-09-2009, 06:04 AM | #21 |
| Wilton Course May 4!  Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 18,595 | I wonder if a pill bottle is a good idea, since they'll be going through customs? I'd maybe call the funeral home or even check the airlines and see if there is a proper way to package ashes. Don't want to be a downer. I just hate the though that they could get into the line, and there be a problem and his ashes are confiscated or discarded.  ing and |
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| 02-09-2009, 08:30 AM | #22 | |
| questioning my sanity Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Oregon Posts: 14,822 | Quote:
Thanks for the concern ... and honestly, Mark ALWAYS ended up being delayed in airports, so if he got held up there I would be  ! Heck he was delayed when being brought back from New Orleans to Portland...I swear, it never ended  | |
| Living life ... | ||
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| 02-09-2009, 10:56 AM | #23 |
| Forever Lucy's Light  Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Bremerton, WA Posts: 2,900 | The LAST thing I personally would do would be to check with the airlines!! Can you spell RED TAPE!!!! |
| "Whatever's in front of me, I choose to sing Hallelujah!" | |
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| 02-09-2009, 11:34 AM | #24 |
| Registered User  Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Oregon Posts: 1,689 | |
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| 02-09-2009, 07:52 PM | #25 |
| questioning my sanity Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Oregon Posts: 14,822 | I just did it, I tried earlier today but couldn't, didn't help that I watched the great slideshow that Belinda put together for the website and was a bawling mess. I waited until the guys were around and did it. Had to use a knife to get the plastic box open  I haven't sealed it yet because I think David might want to spread some in the backyard. We'll see. |
| Living life ... | |
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| 02-09-2009, 08:11 PM | #26 |
| Amazing grace! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: North Central Texas Posts: 17,528 | |
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| 02-12-2009, 09:15 AM | #27 |
| questioning my sanity Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Oregon Posts: 14,822 | The Team is on their way!! |
| Living life ... | |
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| 02-12-2009, 09:17 AM | #28 |
| Wilton Course May 4! Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 18,595 | |
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| 02-12-2009, 09:20 AM | #29 |
| Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Byron, IL Posts: 4,012 | for everyone |
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