Saturday, June 19, 2010

Bits and Pieces ...

I'm not in school, it's been a week since I finished my Nursing Assistant course and now I'm waiting for others to tell me when I can move on.

A dear friend had a very rough week. Her actions caused me much concern over her well being. She cut me off. I stayed the course and continued to let her know that I will be here when she's ready, I could be there in 30 min if needed, I love her, she's not getting rid of me that easily. Going 12 hours without hearing from her set off every alarm in my body, but I stayed faithful to her and to the Lord in prayer, and she came through it. We went out last night for dinner, it was nice to see her smile and laugh, even if for a fleeting moment. She's a long way from better, but she's a long way from where she was earlier in the week. The Lord is amazing if we stay faithful to him.

It's also the dreaded Anniversary weekend. I've tried to keep it to myself. I don't want it to be one of those "oh there she is dredging it up again" things, but the reality is, it's a part of me and I don't want to forget Mark and what happened. Part of me will always be angry at those that drove him to an earlier death than we anticipated, no amount of crying, rationalizing, counseling will ever take that feeling away. I should still be with him, my son should still have his Dad here. Father's Day should be a fun time to mess around, and now it's a day that even though I put on a smile for Tim, I don't enjoy at all right now. It's just an evil reminder of what we don't have in our life. It's not fair, and I know that life isn't fair, but it's not fair and I want to simply throw a tantrum and scream. I want my best friend back.

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