In the midst of trial ...

appears those that you least expect to help out.

While my main support system did fail, I can't let it pass that I did get help from unsuspecting people.

Lea was busy Fri night, and i know she's up really early for work, so I admit, I didn't think to call her even though she's in the neighborhood. She was heading to bed, she went to close her browser and saw my FB plea for help, and sent me the text saying she had to change back into clothes and was on her way.

Kate saw my frustration on twitter Sat that my friend didn't go get my meds as promised, so she added me to her list of errands, did my shopping, banking and med run for me. Seriously folks, she was an angel, we had only met IRL once before at my garage sale. She has the cutest kids, I gladly kept them here so she could get a little time alone also.

My boyfriend Eric and his daughter came over on Sunday to spend a few hours before he drove her home and had to head North, he just started a new job and is working almost 50 hrs a week.

A former neighbor came by with a surprise Christmas food drop for me. 5 bags of groceries and a Turkey. Humbled and blessed.

My friend Jake dropped by w/ a fantastic Christmas CD for me, and has called daily even though he's getting ready for his band's first music video shoot this weekend.

My ex even offered to drive down 3 hours to spend time helping if I needed, yet none of the "close friends" that have been here through all of this, were able to be here for me.

So while it was frustrating, there were major bright lights from unexpected places, and they weren't trains! I am blessed, I am humbled that people I barely know would go out of their way to help me out. It's times like these that really show you where we need to prune. Thank you Lord for being so blunt!

Where you realize your support system is non-existent

warning, this post is angry, disjointed, and basically a widowed moms worst nightmare ...

Last Wednesday, the shivers and shakes started. I couldn't warm up, no matter what I tried. Then the fever hit and remained through Friday night, when it spiked once again, almost to 103*.

Reality hit, this momma's worst nightmare. I had to go to the ER. There was no way around it. I put the word out that I needed help, I have thought I had lots of friends around and amazingly enough, everyone no one could help. My sister was in Washington DC on business and she was calling in favors to get me there, but no luck. Then one friend, the last person I thought of because she was busy, happened to see my post on Facebook and texted to say "on my way". None of the "close friends" that have said "whatever you need", were able to help. I got into the shower to clean up before heading out, I sat on the floor to dry my hair, and my son sat next to me crying "Please don't die Mom, please don't die." My sister spent sometime talking to him on the phone, trying to calm him down as I got ready to leave. He was going with me, I couldn't leave him alone, not knowing how long I'd be, nor what was going on.

He stayed in the waiting room while I went in for tests and I let them know when I was ready for him. He didn't want to show how upset and worried he was, but he climbed up on the gurney with me and snuggled. I was heavily medicated at that point, so him being on me didn't hurt one bit. I was released a few hours later w/ a diagnosis of a severe kidney infection. I wish I could say that was the end of the story, that I recovered and all was well. Unfortunately that's not the case. Having gone through the sudden loss of his dad, kiddo was very stressed all week. Unable to concentrate, focus, sleep. Worried about losing me without notice. A 12 year old shouldn't be thinking of such things.

On Wednesday, while he was at school, I developed some intense pain, called my doc and was directed to head back into the ER. It was close enough to the end of school that I knew I needed to let them know. I made arrangements w/ my so-called friend that he'd go home w/ her son, they're best friends, but she "couldn't be there and couldn't drive me". I drove myself across town to the emergency room. On the way I called the school counselor and asked her to call kiddo into her office and let him know what was going on and what he needed to do. How else could I handle this? I had no clue what to do.

I was in an exam room with no cell coverage, so I did my best to convince myself that he'd be ok. By the time I got back, with new meds and narcotics, and food to toss in the microwave for dinner, I found my son and his friend alone in the house. My girlfriend said they didn't want to stay at her house. ACK. I cooked dinner and the boys headed over there for the night. I normally don't allow weeknight sleepovers, but i was wiped out and in pain. I needed the pain meds and hate taking them when it's just him and I in case something happens.

I woke at 7am, dozed until 9ish, got up, took meds and by 11 was back in bed. It was around 1ish that I got a message from school. Kiddo fell asleep in school. Told his teacher he had a sleepover and didn't sleep much. I contacted my girlfriend and she said that he was up until 3am. Double ACK. I don't allow that when the boys are here. Can you sense my frustration? This is the same friend that hasn't called once to check in on me since last Friday when I went to the hospital the first time.

So my son came home, I heard him yelling at his friends "You don't know what it's like to have a parent die, I need to stay with my mom" ...

There are so many thoughts and feelings that I have about all of this.

• If you say you're going to be there for someone in their time of need, dammit, be there. 
• Friendship isn't something you turn on and off at will. Either you're friends and you'll stand by each other, or you won't. 
• Grief is a cyclical process and you never know what will set off a child from one point of that cycle into another point of it. 
• PTSD affects even children. My child suffers from it and it rears it's ugly head at times like this. 
• I hate that my son has to think of "what if mom dies"

I am closing here, because my brain is reeling with thoughts. Thoughts that I can't put together coherently and it's beginning to show in my writing.

56 Days of Not Knowing ... please help stop the madness ....

My family is not wanting there to be a 57, 58, or 59 ... 

Please share this with your family, friends, MySpace, Facebook and HELP US

 Bring Bryce Home! 

If you know ANYTHING and want to be anonymous, go to www.gmail.com, www.hotmail.com, or www.yahoo.com and make up an email address. From that email address you can email me here and I will get your information to the proper authorities. You can also contact  (910) 232-1687 and give the person that answers your information. 

I'm speechless...

2 weeks ago, while in the parent support group at The Dougy Center, I spoke of our financial difficulties due to my recent medical issues. I brought it up because it's affecting me in a big way, I had spent over $500 on my health issues and an additional $250 on replacing the alternator on my truck. All vital expenses for my family.

After group, S. walked up to me, dug into her pocket and handed me money. I was in shock and asked "are you sure", her response was "I've been there, I know what it's like, I have it now so take it, you need it". That $100 was like a million for me because it's what I needed to pay the power bill the next day.

Friday afternoon, my neighbor came over w/ a pot of homemade soup and corn muffins so that Tim didn't have to cook for us. I was incredibly sick and it was perfect. We appreciated it so much.

Tonight, because of my having shingles, I was unable to attend group at the Dougy Center. Tim took David and left with specific instructions to let the group know why I wasn't there and to tell S. THANK YOU again for me. As the groups ended, he walked in to get David and spoke to S, and noticed one of the fathers, A, in the group walk up to David and hand him an envelope for me. They just got home and handed it to me. I opened it to find $300 in it.  I am in tears. I will pay at least one bill off.

I've known these people for the better part of 2 years because we lost a partner, we share a story, we are part of a club that no married parent wants to join.

We all have our struggles, I did not say what I said hoping that they would "bail me out". I had no expectation of that at all.

I am simply overwhelmed by their generosity and only hope that I can come up with some way to thank them for what they have given David and I.

I am humbled.

They continue to give me Hope and Faith in the people that surround me.

Bryce Tarter is still missing

The days go on, and no word yet on my missing cousin Bryce Daniel Tarter. 

PLEASE spread the word, the more eyes the better!

Join us on Facebook  and check out his website.

There are searches, fundraisers, awareness gatherings, flyers and other info on that site.

For those in the local area, consider participating in Miles for Bryce. You agree to search a certain road, sign up and report back. This helps those in the area know which roads have been searched thoroughly and which haven't.

Please Repost ... Help #BringBryceHome

http://bringbrycehome

Have you seen Bryce?

http://bringbrycehome.com/

My Uncles' nephew Bryce has been missing since Sunday January 31st. 

Granted, he's a distant cousin, but my family in the South are out of their mind with worry. At this point, he could be anywhere in the US. 

Please look at this info and pass it on. I have some AMAZING readers and know that you can spread the word fast. 

Hope for Haiti

Here is a GREAT way to get yourself a wonderful Scentsy Warmer and help out the relief efforts in Haiti at the same time. We have a HUGE selection of Warmers and wax to choose from, shop for you, your friends, family and help out a great cause at the same time.

Order here by the end of January and I will donate 50% of my profits to Reciprocal Ministries International. This fundraiser is being held by Marissa Phillips, Independent Scentsy Consultant and not by Scentsy Corporate.

I donated ... did you ???

VISIT US ONLINE | DONATE | CONTACT US

1/13/2010

Dear M****,


Thank you so much for your recent gift to help those affected by the earthquake in Haiti. Millions of people have been affected by this disaster and Haitian President René Préval described the destruction a ‘catastrophe of major proportions’.

With your help, we are able to send our first two volunteer medical teams and are ready to send more. We are working with many reliable local partners and coordinating our efforts with other groups that are responding to this disaster.

Thank you for making room in your heart for those affected by this disaster. I’m grateful for your support and trust that God will use our partnership to bring hope and healing to many in the days ahead.

Please pray for the families affected by this disaster. Pray as well for our staff and volunteers as we respond. We will be posting updates on our Web site at www.medicalteams.org as developments occur.


Gratefully,




Bas Vanderzalm, President


Transaction Summary:

Name: Ms. M P
Email: deleted
Mailing Address: deleted
,OR
Credit Card Type: Visa
Cardholder Name: MP
Card Number: ****************
Transaction Reference: 279719****

Gift Amount	Payment Method	Designation	Gift Date
$15.00	Credit Card	Haiti Earthquake Relief	1/13/2010

No goods or services were received in exchange for this gift.

Haiti Earthquake …

If you’ve been reading my blog for anytime, you know that my heart, and my late husband, lie in Haiti.

Haiti was hit with a massive 7.0 earthquake yesterday and the Capital of Port Au Prince has been devastated. I am asking BEGGING my readers to take a moment, say a prayer and make a donation to one of the following Relief Organizations. There are specific funds set up within each Organization for HAITI relief. Support of these people is critical. There are many American citizens on the ground in Haiti that have been affected not to mention the millions of Haitian citizens. If you feel that you can’t afford a donation, consider this, these people live on less than $1 a week. Can you imagine how a $5 donation could help? I have $1800 to last me the entire month (my bills include a $1800 mortgage) … I am donating $5 through Medical Teams International. Do the math … yes, giving where needed is a must. I truly believe that we are rewarded for stretching and doing the hard things. I can’t donate $300 but if each of my known followers donate $5, THERE is $300! So please, do it for me …

 

 

 

This is how I started my Sunday morning ...

Took my roommate to meet his ride. 
Fixed a computer on the way home at a friends house.
Stopped at Starbucks Drive-Thru to get Chai for my King and I ... then this happened ...

Yes. I was the "crazy lady" up to my calves in water outside the Drive-Thru Starbucks in Tualatin this morning clearing out the storm drain that caused a puddle deep enough to flood cars. I was wet, cold, and amazed at how many people in 30 min stopped to LOOK at me, and yet only one man offered a Thank You and help.One man had his window down and I laughed and said "You're Welcome" ... he quickly sped off. The Starbucks Staff thanked me with a free drink. It was a definite study in how people are so caught up in themselves these days. For me, it was a random act of kindness and it changed my mood in a big way!

Help Find Trevor!

My girlfriend just let me know that her son has been missing since Sunday. He's almost family to us, this is breaking my heart! 

Trevor Maxwell

(in red sweater)

DOB July 7, 1985 (24 yrs old)

5ft 10in 185 lbs

reddish brown hair

unshaven beard

dirty gold carhart jacket

Baseball cap 

backpack

Trevor is on medications for a mental disorder and does NOT have them with him. He may or may not respond to his name. He hangs out in the Pioneer Courthouse area of Portland but lives in Lake Oswego. He is familiar with the entire area and could be anywhere. 

If you have ANY information on Trevor please leave me a message here or call Catherine (his mother) at 503-805-5880.

Sit at the table together

... and eat a meal. It's amazing what you will learn. We are trying to get back into the habit of Family Meals at least 2-3 times a week. It takes some planning, but it's incredibly worthwhile. Some nights it's a frustrating experience, other nights we laugh and enjoy ourselves the hilt.

Well if you've known me for any length of time you know that I love my pasta! I'm always coming up with something different, but I have my stand-bys that I love to make.

Today while blog hopping around, I found a website through one of the Google Ads (YIKES Yes, I click on some) ... Share The Table has a plethora of recipes and ideas from all sorts of people, literally HUNDREDS of dishes! What an incredible resource that I now have bookmarked and will utilize regularly! I encourage you to take a look there and see what you find. There are some great ideas.

The Boob Tube

I admit it, I'm a reality TV Junkie, I have my DVR programmed and if I don't watch them all when they air, I catch up during the day. 


Tonight the Season Premier of The Amazing Race was aired; the premise of this show is that there are 11 teams of two, they may be friends, partners, teammates; and they have a series of tasks to do as they travel around the world. Each week a Team is eliminated unless they have a non-elimination leg of the race. 


I like the show because of the different places they go through, the tasks that they have to do, I love watching how the teams interact with each other, there are lessons to be learned all over. 

In tonights episode the Teams ended up in Vietnam, and as the last team of Garrett and Jessica came to the Check In Blanket, they were informed that they were Team 11 and Eliminated. Garrett was visibly angered at this and began to act out. I then witnessed something I've NEVER seen in all the years I've watched this show. The host, Phil Koeghan asked Jessica if he gets angry like this a lot?As she answered "yes" he said "Don't live with him" WOW! It's right here, go see for yourself! He's obviously seen a LOT of people pass through that blanket, and I'm sure has gained much insight into people, relationships and behavior. How TELLING is this though? Unbelievable. I can't wait to see how/if this gets press and if there is any follow-up to it in the future. 

I honor Joe on this 8th anniversary of 9/11/01

I am honored to share pictures from someone I consider a brother. Joe Loretz is a “kid” I grew up with in NY. Long before 9/11/01 happened, Joe was a rough and tumble kid that “us girls” picked on, but as he grew up, he grew into someone that I am so proud of.

He was on scene when TWA 800 went down, and then on 9/11/01 he was one of the many that was in Tower 2. He got out, many of his Brothers didn’t. What you see are photos taken at Ground Zero within hours of the Towers crumbling down. Chances are you’ve not seen these elsewhere. Joe is in all of them. 

(Joe Loretz is middle white hat) 

(Joe Loretz on right) 

(Joe Loretz on left) 

 (Joe Loretz on right) 

(Joe Loretz on left) 

 (Joe Loretz on right) 

(Joe Loretz 2nd from Right) 

 

Joe has since left the NY Fire Department and joined the Suffolk County Police Department.

(Joe Loretz 2nd from Right) 

 

Thank you Joe for all you’ve done and continue to do for us.

I love you bro!

It's Friday!

We're still 12 days away from the start of school, my son is bored to tears (literally, he cried last night about being so bored).

Today we're going to finish his bedroom transformation that was started on ... oh ... April 28th! Yes I AM that procrastinator. Life has just been in the way, seriously, STOP LAUGHING at me! Better now? Good.

So on the topic of life getting in the way, we were supposed to head up to WA for a couple days, pick up the step-daughter, go to a 21st Birthday BBQ for my Kings' neice and then visit my sister in law and brother in law tomorrow. They recently relocated from CA to the same town that one of my Kings sisters lives in. However, if you recall, my King lost his job almost a month ago and the money just isn't in the budget.

(Here's where it gets good) Sooooo we contacted the Kings ex-wife and let her know of our change in plans (funny, we have no problems ~other than grumbles and laughs ~ when she changes plans but when we do it we screw up her entire life). She's bringing the step-daughter here Sunday afternoon and we will bring her home Tuesday. Why Tuesday? Well because she starts school on Wednesday. Now ... you are surely wondering, WHY is that a problem? Well I suppose it's not, but the reason ex-wife is gladly dropping her off here (because it doesn't happen, believe me) is that she's going to CA for a week. WHAT??? YOU ARE LEAVING YOUR DAUGHTER TO DO HER FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL ALONE? Well not alone, her older sister will get her off to school...but Come ON! How many moms, especially one that calls almost daily crying when her daughter is on visitation here (even if it's only 2 days) telling her "baby" that she misses her so much, misses the first day of school for any child, especially a special needs child?

Ok, I had better stop, because the mean, nasty side of me is going to rear it's ugly head. I try so hard to be a good christian, but bottom line, I'm human and this woman really really tests all my beliefs in people. Breathe, breathe, breathe ....

My king is making yummy omelettes for us to eat ... off to enjoy.

Portland Race for the Cure

On September 20th, myself and THOUSANDS of other people will be walking, running...basically gathering to support those fighting Breast Cancer AND help those that need screenings and additional care. By clicking on the logo below, you can join this Race as a donor or as a participant. I'd love to have you along in either capacity.

I recently accepted the challenge to raise funds to support the Komen Portland Race for the Cure® on September 20th, 2009 in the fight to save lives and end breast cancer forever.

The Oregon and SW Washington Affiliate of Susan G. Komen for the Cure® has one clear goal - saving lives. They are committed to serving all 36 counties in Oregon as well as the three counties in SW Washington: Clark, Skamania, and Cowlitz. 75% of their funds provide the following services for local women:

*Education about breast cancer and early detection
*Information and support to breast cancer survivors and their families
*Mammograms for the uninsured or underinsured
*Transportation and treatment support for survivors

In addition, 25% of their revenue is combined with Komen Affiliates nationwide, making Komen for the Cure® the largest private funder of breast cancer research in the world!

Susan G. Komen for the Cure® awarded over $100 million for breast cancer research grants in 2008, and Komen funding has touched every medical advancement related to breast cancer to date!

Together, we can save lives!

Sincerely,

Marissa

A friend and being humbled ...

A friend of mine stopped over unannounced.

She told my to come out to her van....

and she proceeded to unpack 8 bags of groceries for us...

she hugged me as I sniffled...

and drove away.

I'm going to bake her cookies. and eat lots of eggs.

I hate days like this...

... because I hate being the "mean responsible mom" that has to tell her child "You can't go".

David has a rash that has spread across most his body. I spoke with the advice Nurse, he has no fever or other symptoms, but he cannot be around other kids for 72 hours, which also means he cannot attend the G.R.E.A.T. Summer Camp that he started yesterday. We are so fortunate to have these opportunities in our Community, and this week is specifically for 6th graders. I've called them and asked that he be allowed to go next week w/ the 7th, 8th, 9th graders, but I completely understand that it's probably not going to happen.

Today was a field trip to the North Clackamas Aquatic Park, I've promised to take him another time.

I helped...

that's what I did tonight.

an old friend called,

she and her fiancee' have been having a hard time with some things,

so I jumped on the computer,

gave my credit card to a website,

and may have found her fiancee's daughters,

that have been missing for about 8 years.

Yes, it cost me about $50, that I really don't have,

and even if it were to put me NSF,

hearing them cry and thank me for getting them the info

was all the re-payment needed.

They didn't ask me to do it,

I was called because they needed to vent.

I truly believe in doing the right thing,

it's what we are challenged to do,

I truly hope he finds his daughters.

Please pray for them.

I'll update when I know more.

Have you helped?

Just because??