Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Reminiscing about my pregnancy...

I have to tell you, this stuff REALLY HAPPENS folks!

This goes back to 1998, it was March, one of those rare warm days in Portland OR, and I had my day planned out. My due date was April 15th, and I had my final ultrasound scheduled at 2pm.

(Aside) Now, anyone that has had one of these "painless" exams done knows that combining an extraordinary amount of water with a woman who can pee like a racehorse at a moments notice because said child in utero is squishing the bladder... well the situation for said pregnant woman is ANYTHING but painless and we will do ANYTHING to take our mind of the seemingly gallons of water we need to drink prior to this torture amazing piece of advanced technology that lets us see our soon to be child. (aside finished)

As I was saying, I had my day planned out, shower, dress, start drinking water at 11, little at a time, I had a Kiwanis meeting to attend in downtown Portland (always a great way to distract myself and they serve iced water), drive back through Tigard to pick up my husband from work and then go out to Oregon City to my Midwifes office. Excellent way to space out the water intake and not be toooo totally uncomfortable.

Do y'all know Murphy?? Little did I know, Murphy was along for the ride...

Leave the house at 11 and head to Portland, to hear a traffic alert that a flat bed truck heading South through the Terwilliger Curves lost it's load of PVC Pipes and traffic was at a standstill. Ugh I feel sorry for the folks waiting for that to clear, but not a problem for this preggo lady!

Arrive at the Benson Hotel early (very posh and they take care of preggo ladies really well, park my truck for me and don't charge me), mingle with my friends, talk about the baby and pregnancy, "yes it's going well", "yes the Convention went well" blah, blah, blah. Enjoy the luncheon, enjoy the meeting, enjoy getting up in front of 100 people and talking (really, I did, I loved what I did), loved tolerated the water intake and ever increasing pressure on my bladder. Overall a great meeting. Got out out of said meeting and to the Valet around 1:15 with plenty of time to make it, called hubby to let him know I was right on schedule...all was good.

Hit I5 South, and just then, Murphy reared his ugly blasted head. My gas indicator light illuminates. No problem, 30 miles left on the tank, will get gas AFTER the appointment. Ahhh, radio is on to help me ignore the urge to pee, and then I hear it "Traffic Update: The mess on I5 South is going to be a while longer folks, the load FELL OFF THE TRUCK AGAIN". More machinery was being brought in to assist AS WELL AS TOW TRUCKS to tow people that have run out of gas! OMGOSH PEOPLE Turn off your cars! You're in a parking lot now for over 2 hours???!!! Ok, I digress; but there's Murphy, the announcement comes JUST AS I pass the last possible turnoff BEFORE the accident scene. So I drive myself right into the I5 Parking lot.

I begin to panic, I have an overly full bladder for this tortorous painless exam, my gas tank is on empty, I need to pick up my husband and get to Oregon City (25 min drive) and I'm stuck on the highway.

I am out of my truck with all the other innocent bystanders, hoping that the road clears soon, but realizing I'm doomed here. There is a Little Debbie's Truck in front of us and he's now passing out snacks to everyone that wants. We're in for the long haul here. There is mounting pressure on my bladder now, I'm moving around talking and laughing w/ folks, when it hits me, I am NOT going to make it, I have GOT to pee, I AM going to explode.

I call my Midwifes office and explain the situation, they said it was ok to relieve myself (love how they say that so politely), and get in as soon as able to, the situation is obviously out of my hands here. I call my husband and tell him that I'm going to drive my truck OFF the Highway and down the hillside to go through a break in the fence that I see others going through. Before you freak out, I drive a Land Rover and I do a LOT of off-roading. This little hillside is childs play for me. I will NOT be able to pick him up, he'll have to meet me if he wants to see his unborn child before it's born.

I then turn to the people around me and inform them ask politely to "move your cars so I can get through or you will see a pregnant lady pee on the highway". Now most of the people surrounding me were Men, so they were taken aback by my honesty there, but then to see their faces when I said I was 4 wheelin' off the Highway, well I wish I had a camera with me to show you the expressions on their faces. I know these were smart men that had dealt with pregnant women before, because they immediately started shuffling cars, this one forward, that one back etc until I could crank my truck around and pop her into Low and down the hillside I went, and as I looked into my rear view mirror, I saw many begin to follow!

Ok, so now I'm driving like a banshee to find the first gas station I can, and when I pull in, I toss the keys at the guy and say "fill the tank" and he points to the bathroom, obviously he's real smart too! I barely make it with plenty of time to spare, pull down my pants and peeeee like a race horse. Oh. My. Gosh it never felt so good to let that pressure go (TMI?? If you've been pregnant you completely understand).

Whew, the rush was over. I paid for my gas, called the office and let them know I was on my way, and called hubby to confirm that he was meeting me.... did I mention that I drank more water ??

Oh to be pregnant again...


  1. This story is hysterical! I loved it! Would you believe I have to go to the bathroom now, and I'm not even pregnant!

    Wow, I can't imagine what you would have done if you were trapped on that freeway though!

    Gone in the car and then burned it, lol!

  2. Fabulous story!! Loved it! I once "overfilled" my bladder, then they handed me a dixie cup to empty some...yeah, right! Once that flow starts, just try to stop it!

  3. Anonymous3:47 AM

    Best story!!! I think I would have relieved my self..lol..during the off road driving!! Jumping on the trampoline with my daughters I have to pee every time..They say go pee first mom then jump..Doesn't work that way either..Oh yes love it that they tell everyone this story so why not blog it..I say..If you know me I am sure you have heard my daughters tell it..lol!! I love your blog

  4. Hey, I saw your comment on MckMama's blog and was wondering about the recipes for homemade laundry and dishwasher detergent. Would you mind sending me an email or a link? andrewandkristan(at)hotmail.com
    thanks! and I'm 37 weeks pregnant and had an ultrasound today, so I hear you loud and clear!! Too funny. :)


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