Thursday, October 21, 2010

30 Days of Truth ~ Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

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Wow, I've got so many that fall into this category. Most recently it's folks from my former Church where Mark was Youth Pastor at. The Church went through a split this past Fall (aside ... wow it's been a year since all that started up) ... as a result, people went every which way you can imagine. It was truly sad to see a Christian group go through that, however I understand it happens and my understanding is that there are 2 stronger groups from it now. I had friends on both sides of the argument(s) and as much as I didn't want to let them go, I had to for my own health and sanity. Now that there has been separation I will try to reconnect w/ some.

I have also let go of many friends that were in my life before Mark died. It's a strange phenomenon, these people were always doing things w/ us. We traveled, laughed, celebrated, cried, shared drinks, music ... we were involved with each other ... and when Mark died, we went our separate ways. My life was different, and although I tried to engage the afterwards, it was not reciprocated. Can I tell you how much that hurt me then? How much it still hurts? I don't understand it, did I change? One person in particular was close enough that he was considered kiddo's Uncle. He was there when he was born, at every major event in his life ... and when Mark died he disappeared. I found him by accident on Facebook and learned that he was getting married. I wasn't invited. It still chokes me up.

I have other examples, they don't make sense to me ... I realized tonight while at school for Parent-Teacher night, that I've really taken myself out of the "school parent" mode. I hardly know any of the parents anymore. D isn't involved in ANY of the same activities, they are all strangers to me now. It gets lonely sometimes being a widow. it sucks.

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