Thursday, September 24, 2009

Hate is not a word I use lightly

Grief rears it's ugly head again. I'm sorry to keep bringing it up, but it's a part of my life whether I like it or not ... ok, who am I kidding? Like it?? Why the HELL would I like it?!

I fucking hate it.
I hate that it brings me down.
I hate that it's distancing me from the man that has made a huge difference in my life and loves me and my son to pieces.
I hate that it rules me somedays.
I hate that I went through the most unbelievable experience a wife can go through.
I hate that I lost my partner, my best friend, the man I fell in love with the first time I saw him.
I hate that tomorrow I mean Saturday WOULD be our 12 year wedding anniversary and we're not together because he died.
I hate that I am bawling my eyes out right now.
I hate that my son lost his daddy.

It's so not fair and I want to throw a fit.
I want to curl up in a ball and just sob.
I don't want to go through this any more.
I want this to end.
I want to NOT feel this pain anymore.