Monday, August 03, 2009


It’s the Journey … that gets us to the end point, or at a stopping point that we can safely stop, turn around and breathe. Once there, we can look back and see that we were never alone and that it was all planned out long before we were thought about.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 (New International Version)

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. [a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

Footnotes: [a] Jeremiah 29:14 Or will restore your fortunes

While I never spent much time in Bible Study, this verse stuck with me for many years and I never understood why. Let's be real, it is so incredibly hard to do in daily life, to put our thoughts and feelings aside and to listen, to be still and hear the voice of God. To have FAITH and remember that Our Lord knows our birth date and our death date long before we are even known to exist.

I have to remind myself of that from time to time, and last week, while speaking w/ an acquaintance on Twitter, that plan He had for me came up. After David was born, I had 2 miscarriages. One was at about 20 weeks along, read that right, very late however there were problems from the beginning of the pregnancy, I was on antibiotics from the beginning of it and the baby was not developing properly at all. In fact, when I had my first ultrasound at what should have been about 14 or 15 weeks along, the baby was only 7 weeks along in development. 7 days before Christmas I began to cramp and bleed, and I knew it was over, it was confirmed on a Friday afternoon and on the Tuesday before Christmas I had a D&C to complete the miscarriage. I had permission from my doctor to get on a plane on Wednesday evening, as previously planned, and fly to California to see family down there for the holiday. It was not only emotional, but painful, and everyone there handled it well. I had drugs, those helped a lot wih the physical pain, but not the emotional pain. We spent some great time with my grandmother, not knowing that it would be her final Christmas on this earth with us. We also spent time on the beach, talk about healing...I can't put into words how refreshing that was. But I digress.

Throughout that time and the subsequent miscarriage, which happened much earlier in my pregnancy and did not require medical intervention, I questioned WHY? Why were these lives that we so desperately wanted taken from us? Why were we being punished? What did we do wrong?

We were good Christians, we went to church, we prayed as a family, we turned our lives around and were doing well. We were "older" if you will and our son wanted to be a big brother so much.

You see, I thought it was about me, about our family; I totally forgot it was about Him. I forgot that HE had a plan for me us. You see, the Lord KNEW that on June 21, 2006 he would call Mark home. He KNEW that I would be thrown into the chaos known as Widowhood AND be a single parent to a child that would fall apart and need every ounce of my energy for the next 3 years. I had NO IDEA that would happen, in hindsight, I'm pretty damn happy that I didn't know that.

  • He knew that I would NOT be able to handle 3 kids on my own.
  • He knew that I would rely on friends and some family to help me through
  • He knew that I would need certain needs met.
  • He always provided.
  • He made that committment and promise to us and
  • HE follows through ALWAYS!
How AWESOME is that??

MckLinky Blog Hop


  1. What an amazing testimony! I often struggle with my faith and there are times that I wish I could be stronger in it. Thank you for reminding me of the very same things...I surely needed it! Blessings to you, Marissa!

  2. Anonymous10:01 PM

    A friend from Twitter shared this with me after reading my post:

    @QueenOChaos That is (was) a powerful personal posting, Marissa. Thanks for trusting us enough to share. Peace & healing to you.

    Thank you Jan! I really appreciate it.

  3. Love the verse you posted! Very encouraging! :)

  4. Oh girl, such insight you have provided. Thank you, and so beautiful too! Thinking of you and praying for you all, always.



  5. Just wanted to say I saw your post on overmckmama and that was very brave what you did. You set the record straight and I applaud you for that.

    I was like you and followed her for many many months but during the Boston trip I began to see something that was not right and I am the one who posted the Kayleigh Freeman thread on blogfrog and Mckmama erased I. I knew then that this was a very sick person and someone who was taking advantage of others. I like you stopped following her but then the April Rose thing happened and look who put themselves in the middle while telling others to stop talking about it she is making plans and setting up dates for television appearances. At that point I knew I was right and I said if the situation came up I would try and help others see her for what she is.

    Younger moms are just learning how to be moms and don't have the confidence as it is and they are looking to her as their idol....that is sad.

    Sorry didn't mean for this to go on and on but wanted you to know I so admire you for the stand you are taking and for the courage you have to speak your mind!

    Well done..........


  6. hi QofC~ i am a member of the life suckage club too~ my husband died on 12/20/06

    one of my fav quotes is

    god doesn't give us more than we can handle~~i just wish he didn't trust me so much

    mother theresa

    i have added your blog to my reader!

    i feel i need a little more spirituality!

  7. Anonymous7:13 PM

    By_Jen: I love you so much girlfriend! You are amazing yourself! I will let you know next time we are coming up to the area and hopefully we can get together for more than a quick cup of coffee.


    Thank you for your kind words. I have nothing to hide which is why I came forward to "clear my name" if you will.

    I truly believe that Stellan is a sick child and that the doctors are on the right track now, they just needed time. I also believe that his mom is getting a bit carried away, however I totally understand getting caught up in the situation and running with it. I think we are all guilty of that from time to time.


    I am sorry to hear that you too lost your husband. It's been rough, but I truly feel that I am blessed by the Lord in that he put some amazing people around me to support me through the rough times.

    I always welcome new readers, I hope that I can share something that will help you through your day.


  8. yeah, we are members of the club no one wants to belong to~~it is always nice to find someone else who belongs to the suckage club~well that didn't sound right but i think you know what i mean~

    maybe it's helpful to find someone who KNOWS the struggles we face

  9. Hey, hoppin' by to encourage you today! I've got a button for you at my blog


  10. I'm a BlogFrog Community Leader and, while I should be cleaning house for an unexpected visit (a TREAT!) from our college daughter, I decided to check on the leader forum before plowing a path.

    I found your blog as a suggested community to join, so I took a peek at your blog.

    I'm doing a blog with a good friend. When I noticed you and 'Ethel' had used the same scripture for the MckLinky Encouragement prompt, I knew I needed to snoop around a little more.

    I'm glad I did! We'll not only sign up as followers, but we'll sign up on your community, too!


  11. Anonymous8:51 AM

    Thanks for stopping by 'Lucy'. I'm not 100% able to access the Blog From Community Leader things yet, they have a bug in the system and are rolling out something in the next day or so to fix it. Can't wait to get to know you better.


Thank you for sharing with myself and others!