I am writing today to express my frustrations with you. I wish that you would sincerely take this to heart and see what you are doing to Tim and your daughter.
This weekend is a perfect example of "things gone wrong", you see, you promised your daughter that she would go see Mimi and Papa this weekend and then come spend the week with us. Then that changed to going to see her Aunt and having a sleepover there before coming to our house, and then last night, on the way down, you decided to bring her straight here instead. Ya know, when we told you that we weren't able to make it up on Friday you said that you had set up a TA Training on Friday and Saturday and that you would need to find a babysitter for your daughter; how is it you were able to deal with a "Peanut that is being difficult today" if you were out Training?
I'm happy to say that the negativity she showed towards me disappeared w/ in 5 minutes of you leaving however TODAY she is very, very, VERY upset that she did NOT see Mimi, Papa or her Aunt and cousins. As a matter of fact, she has her bag all packed and at least once an hour since she woke up, she has brought all her belongings upstairs saying "Mommy said we're going, I'm ready". She calls us LIARS and screams and stomps her feet when we say "You're staying here, Mommy is on a trip". She honestly thinks you are back at home and going to take her to see her grandparents. In fact, she thinks you're going to be home when she gets there Tuesday, even though she is having "special Sissy time" with her older sister. She told me this morning "Mommy is taking me to school Wednesday" and was VERY upset when I explained that Mommy wasn't home and would be gone all week. I took the brunt of that maneuver for you, you're so welcome. I'm used to being the bad guy, just add it to the list of lies I've told her.
Now, about the food she was eating when she arrived to our house, why is it ok for you to take her for Dairy Queen and feed her hamburgers, french fries and Blizzards but WE aren't allowed to do that? I can't recall the number of times over the past 18 months you have said "Oh she's supposed to be on a low fat diet", in fact SHE tells us she's not supposed to eat "that stuff" and yet you feed it to her yourself? Stop being so hypocritical.
Well, that's all for now, I need to go cook dinner for this crowd and unpack Peanuts clothes for the umpteenth time today. (oh ~ please tell me why you don't want me to wash her clothes, what don't I do right?). Oh... one final thing, this attitude I have, yeah, well I've learned it from your "snappity snap" daughter. Duuuuurrrrrrrrrrrr ....
Sincerely,
The Step-mother
I too co-parent. And I share your frustrations! Mine may not be exactly the same, but I guarantee ya' we could swap stories and make a good effort at one upping one another. It's not easy. Keep up the good work. I know for my daughter in our case she has shown that as long as I am truthful and continually supportive of her as she struggles with being shared by two families she fairs better. The kids know the truth. . . As hard as that truth is sometimes. THEN I vent to my friends and at church and in appropriate places so I can appear always wise and patient with the twists and turns co-parenting can bring. Oh, if only I drank and could solve it all with a glass of wine at night. . . JK. I will be back to your blog to check you out--thanks so much for sharing!! Robyn
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting!!
ReplyDeleteWe do our best.
This kiddo was born with Downs Syndrome so it's one added twist that makes thing more difficult than typical.
Bottom line is she knows that we're here, she loves it when she is here but she doesn't know how to funnel her anger and her Mom buys her more than we could ever buy, so her alliance is there. So sad but this kiddo doesn't have the wherewithall to understand that.
You are in a difficult situation and all I can do is pray. I tend to get down thinking that God forgot about me never letting me have kids, but then I read stories like this and I'm sooooooooo glad I don't have to deal with my ex EVER again and I know that's why we didn't have kids.
ReplyDeleteKimberly
ReplyDeleteYes, it's difficult, and it's yet another reason why I am sure the Lord took two babies away from me when I was married. He gave me one great son w/ challenges and he brought a fantastic man into my life after my husband died, who has a wonderful challenging daughter that needs our strength and consistency.
We do our best to provide that daily, we do our best to let her know we're not frustrated with her and keep our self on an even keel. It's challenging, but it's always been that way and always will be that way.
I know you are doing your best in a difficult situation.I cannot believe how "mom" is.Hang in there and you are doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteI think your situation has a particularly difficult twist as you are dealing with a kid that may have a limit to how much she can understand about the situation--not sure though. In any case, it can just be so tough. For me, my kid had lots of medical challenges that I had to face/solve/fix/be Wonder Woman about/pay for/worry over/ etc and boy it added a big element to sharing! My policy is keep up the facade of amicable sharing and VENT VENT VENT as needed in an appropriate sharing. You get to have all the feelings you want. . .you just have to choose where to express them! Once again, keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteOh I vent away and smile pretty. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
ReplyDelete